How to Set Healthy Boundaries as a Highly Sensitive Person
If a friend, co-worker, or family member asks you to do something for them or with them, how likely are you to say “no”?
As an HSP, the answer is probably “not very likely at all.”
Time and time again, you find yourself denying rest and downtime you so desperately need to accommodate others’ requests. You certainly don’t want to disappoint anyone, right? Because you’re a highly sensitive person, you feel their disappointment too. And you don’t want them to feel that way.
So you say yes to them. And no to yourself.
Again.
Why You Have Trouble Setting Boundaries as An HSP
Saying no to others and yes to yourself is a tremendous challenge for you as a highly sensitive person. You know you need to practice saying no and setting healthy boundaries, but the thought feels overwhelming. And as an HSP, you know overwhelming.
So why can’t you just say no and put your own needs first?
Because You Care Deeply: As an HSP, you experience life differently than non-HSPs. You feel everything on deeper level. That means the thought of disappointing someone you care about is something every fiber of your being wants to avoid. So you just abandon the idea of setting healthy boundaries for yourself.
Because You Don’t Want to Rock the Boat: Because you care so deeply about the people around you, you don’t want to risk confrontation over setting healthy boundaries for yourself. And because you are easily overstimulated, you may avoid saying no to someone simply to avoid conflict and the feelings that may arise.
Because You Don’t Know How Great You Are: A highly sensitive person like yourself often feels different from everyone else because society has labeled you as “too emotional,” “too sensitive”,” “shy,” etc. Constant feelings of judgment like this can do a number on your self-esteem, making you vulnerable to pleasing others and denying your own needs.
Why Highly Sensitive People Need to Set Boundaries
Learning how to set healthy boundaries is an essential skill for everyone. But it’s especially true for HSPs. Because you feel the impact of other people and your environment on such a deep level, without boundaries, you’ll deplete yourself and feel overwhelmed quickly.
When you learn to set healthy boundaries and practice saying no to others, you put your own needs first, and that’s something you absolutely need to do. You need to put a filter on your life, know your limits, and learn how to effectively communicate those to others.
Tips for Setting Healthy Boundaries as an HSP
First and foremost, it’s critical you accept yourself as you are. It’s okay to be a highly sensitive person. There’s nothing wrong with you, and you don’t need to act in any way that’s contradictory to who you are.
Secondly, remember that it’s okay to say no. How others react to your setting of boundaries is not your responsibility and it’s outside of your control. Setting a boundary is a way for you to take care of yourself.
Here are some more ways you can practice setting healthy boundaries for yourself:
1. Define Where You Stand
Before you can set healthy boundaries for yourself, you have to understand your own needs. Try making a list for yourself defining how you’d like to be treated, how you’d prefer to be spoken to, what makes you stressed, anxious, uncomfortable, etc.so you will be able to clearly communicate what you need to others.
What are your values? What’s important to you? Writing down your values will help you determine your limits and where you need to set boundaries.
2. Make Caring for Yourself a Priority
Self-care is vital for you to enforce your healthy boundaries. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Remind yourself that you are worthy of self-care.
Because when you say yes to yourself, you feel more energized and able to say no to others with confidence. You also create more space for yourself to do the things you want to do.
3. Don’t Rely on the Permission of Others
As a highly sensitive person, you tend to wait for others to give you permission to speak up for yourself and share your needs. You probably don’t feel comfortable telling others what makes you uncomfortable.
But the truth is, the only person you need permission from is yourself. You are responsible for your own actions, not for the feelings and actions of others. You are 100% empowered to set healthy boundaries for yourself to keep your mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being healthy and grounded.
4. Practice Saying No
Saying no isn’t easy for you. But just like any other muscle in your body, you need to strengthen it before it gets any stronger.
Start by saying no to small things, like if someone asks you to watch their cats while they are away or when someone invites you to an online party you don’t really want to attend. Saying no doesn’t have to be rude or hurtful. Just be polite and say, “No, thank you.” Or “I can’t this time.” The more you flex your “no” muscle, the stronger it will get.
5. Remember Your Worth
As an HSP, you likely beat yourself up for being “different” than others. Maybe you think you shouldn’t need so much time to make decisions. Or perhaps you need more time alone than everyone else in your peer group and feel like maybe you shouldn’t be that way.
It’s vital for highly sensitive people like yourself to recognize and validate your worth. Your feelings are valid. Your need to take more time on decisions and for yourself is also valid.
Just because you aren’t like everyone else doesn’t mean you are any less valuable. Recognize your worth, and you’ll feel more empowered to set healthy boundaries.
An HSP Therapist Can Help You Learn How to Say No
Learning how to say no to others, yes to yourself, and setting healthy boundaries to ensure your own mental and emotional health is not an easy task as an HSP.
But the good news is - it’s absolutely possible.
If you need more help navigating your complex emotions and want to learn how to embrace your authentic self so you can successfully set healthy boundaries over and over again, an HSP therapist can help.
Working out of Oakland, California, and serving the San Francisco Bay area, I’ve helped highly sensitive people just like you learn how to accept their sensitivity as a strength and find happiness in relationships, life, and themselves.
If you’re ready to make the necessary changes, I’m the HSP therapist you’re looking for.
Self-Reflection Questions
When thinking about how to set boundaries as a highly sensitive person, ask yourself the following questions to see if it’s something you’re ready to do:
Do I really know how to say no to others without feeling uncomfortable or guilty?
Do I spend enough time taking care of my own needs?
Am I exhausted and burned out trying to please others constantly?
Does the thought of defining boundaries and sticking to them overwhelm me?
You don’t have to master the art of saying no on your own. It takes work and commitment, but as an HSP therapist, I can help you. No matter how long it takes, I’ll help you learn how to truly know your worth and start saying no to others and yes to yourself.