Almost everyone experiences holiday stress on some level. With the crowded stores, holiday parties, gift wrapping, decorating, and cramming-in-of-way-too-many things before the holiday season, it’s almost impossible to escape the hustle and bustle. 

But as a highly sensitive person, your holiday stress can reach next-level proportions if you’re not intentional about protecting yourself from overwhelm and overstimulation.

And don’t forget about attempting to stay above water while wading in the waters of challenging family dynamics. 

In a recent blog post, I discussed 6 Important Holiday Tips for Highly Sensitive People. Take a look at those tips, so you make sure you adequately prepare yourself for the holiday season. 

But what about dealing with family members you simply can’t avoid during the holidays? Being a highly sensitive person means it’s crucial to have a game plan before facing them. If you don’t, you’ll end up feeling a little like an overstretched rubber band on the verge of breaking.

Let’s avoid that. 

To help you navigate tricky family dynamics during the holiday season, I’ve put together a helpful list of holiday tips for you.

Everyone’s Family Dynamics Include “Challenging” People

As an HSP myself, I have come to understand the value of adequately preparing myself for unavoidable tricky family functions. While almost everyone on the planet will admit to their family being difficult in one way or another, the fact is that many times, that difficulty can typically be attributed to one or more particular individuals. 

Does anyone come to mind? 

While they may be perfectly lovely and mean well, some people can bring up many feelings for a highly sensitive person like yourself. Having a few “challenging” family members is entirely normal, but that doesn’t mean you have to put up with hanging out with them for far too long than is good for your mental health. 

Even if you can’t think of anyone person, in particular, the holiday stress combined with the struggles of being an HSP means you’ll likely get overwhelmed by well-meaning family members and:

• The overabundance of lights, sounds, and people.

• Way too much small talk - from everyone.

• A lot of unnecessary questions stemming from family thinking your life needs to look a certain way. (Think: “Why aren’t you married yet? Or “When are you going to have kids?”)

• Other family members are not getting along. (As an HSP, you’re going to absorb any tension, sadness, anger, and anxiety.) 

• People thinking you’re “too sensitive or “can’t take a joke.” 

Develop Your Plan to Navigate Holiday Family Dynamics

One of the most essential holiday tips for navigating family dynamics for HSPs like yourself is to make sure you put your needs first. Yes, this can be challenging, especially when your mother-in-law insists you come and stay with the family for a week and a half. 

I know you don’t want to disappoint anyone.

But when you make yourself and your needs a priority, you’ll be a whole lot happier at the holiday get-togethers. Hopefully, you’ve practiced giving yourself grace and acceptance as a highly sensitive person. Afterall, it’s okay to be an HSP. Just because your uncle Larry or your cousin Brittany doesn’t “get” you, you have every right to be who you are and put your mental health needs first. 

And putting yourself first means forming a good plan to get through the holiday functions.

1. Keep your own needs at the forefront of your mind.

This is listed as number one for a reason. Keeping your well-being as a top priority while talking with others will help you stay in control of your interactions as best you can. So when cousin Becky starts going down the rabbit hole of how this, that, and the other is going wrong in her life, just try to remember that her problems are not your problems. 

It sounds obvious, yes? But as a highly sensitive person, you’ll likely get pulled into her emotions, feeling overwhelmed with how seemingly “awful” everything is. 

Try to assess the situation and ask yourself what Becky’s goal is in the conversation. Does she want advice, or does she just need someone to listen? In either case, as an HSP, you have an empathy superpower, so put it to good use and just let her know you care while remembering not to take on her pain and suffering as your own.

2. Treat your conversations like a work meeting.

When considering how you’ll interact with challenging family members, do your best to prepare for topics they may bring up and your input. If you think of these challenging family members as co-workers rather than relatives, you might just get through the conversation unscathed. 

Think about what you wouldn’t bring up with co-workers. You wouldn’t talk about controversial subjects and highly-charged topics at work, right? Well, it’s okay to plead the fifth with family members too. (Really, it is.)

3. Limit what you share about your life

If you have some supremely toxic family members, make sure you limit the information you share about yourself. The less they know, the less ammunition they have to fire insults and judgments your way. 

Please note, I know this can be very challenging for highly sensitive people. Learning to do this and some of these other steps may require the help of an HSP therapist like myself.

4. Tend to your inner child.

When preparing yourself for dealing with challenging holiday family dynamics, some past hurts and situations may come to mind. Tend to your inner child that will be present and need your support when interacting with difficult family members that may have hurt your inner child in some way. Imagine holding your inner child’s hand and being the nurturing and supportive voice you needed when you were younger.

I empathize with how difficult this can be when facing those family members. 

When you come face to face with an extremely challenging family member, try not to have expectations of them. That way, you won’t be disappointed. This is another difficult tactic you can learn to master with the help of an HSP therapist. 

5. Stick up for yourself

If you are an HSP with some toxic, narcissistic family members, it’s crucial you prepare yourself by keeping consistent responses in mind that’ll help mark your boundaries. 

Many times narcissists like to take advantage of your good nature. Keep this in mind and stand your ground by having a zero-tolerance policy toward manipulative behavior. And eventually, they’ll back off when they realize they can’t get a rise out of you.

You CAN Successfully Navigate Tricky Family Dynamics as an HSP

Being a highly sensitive person isn’t a weakness. While some relatives may see it that way, it doesn’t make their opinion accurate. As an HSP, you are a loyal, reliable, kind, compassionate, and caring individual. 

Those are all positives. 

But I realize, as an HSP myself, coming to terms with who you are and learning how to put yourself first can be difficult and takes practice, patience, and time. If you are in the San Francisco area and would like more information about how I can help you, contact me. I’d love to meet you and guide you toward learning how to accept your wonderful HSP qualities and how to navigate difficult family dynamics. 

Self-Reflection Questions

1. What is most important to me about the holidays?

2. Do I have the tools and strategies I need to successfully make it through family get-togethers? If so, what tools and strategies will I use?

3. Can I effectively say “no” to certain toxic family situations? What thoughts, feelings, and sensations are present for me when I think of doing so?

4. Do I really believe my mental health needs should be a priority? If so, how can I make them a priority when visiting family this holiday season?