How to Handle Perfectionism as a Highly Sensitive Person
If you’re a highly sensitive person, there’s a good chance you’re dealing with perfectionism.
And if you’re dealing with perfectionism, you want things to be a certain way. You hold certain ideals for yourself. HSPs often think, “When ‘x,’ then I’ll be good enough.”
While this is typical for a highly sensitive person like yourself, it can be challenging to handle. Perfectionism isn’t actually focused on personal growth. It’s focused on the fear of not being good enough. And that can be damaging to your feelings of self-worth.
As a highly sensitive person, it’s crucial for you to learn how to handle your perfectionism. When you do, you’ll also learn how to love yourself more. And that’s empowering.
Why HSPs Are Prone to Perfectionism
Dealing with perfectionism day in and day out as a highly sensitive person is exhausting. You try to control your environment by controlling yourself. You try to be the best version of yourself so you won’t disappoint or offend those around you.
You work hard to do things “correctly” the first time around. And when that doesn’t happen, you get upset with yourself. Not only because you didn’t get it right, but because you spent so much time trying to do so.
You’re not being fair to yourself.
The fact is, you’ll never reach the goal of being perfect. There’s no such thing. It may sound depressing, but when you deal with the inner toil of perfectionism, you’ll always find something within yourself you want to improve.
You may not be perfect, but you should know that you’re perfectly imperfect, just the way you are. And it would be best if you learned how to embrace that.
In today’s culture, you also have to deal with social media perfectionism. One look at those little perfect squares of other people’s filtered lives can make anybody feel inferior. And as an HSP, you feel that even more deeply.
So why are you prone to perfectionism as a highly sensitive person?
To answer this, you have to look at what lies beneath the surface of perfectionism. It’s not that you have to be the best of the best at everything. There’s more to it than that.
You are highly affected by criticism
Highly sensitive people like yourself feel emotions more intensely than others. Criticism is especially painful to experience for you. Your perfectionism may be an attempt to protect yourself from the criticism of others when you do something “wrong” or make a mistake.
HSPs often think if they do everything “right,” they’ll avoid unwanted attention and criticism. Instead, you set unrealistically high standards for yourself, striving for perfection.
You just want to fit in
You’ve always felt a little different, not good enough, or “less than” as a highly sensitive person. Throughout your life, you’ve probably been told you’re too sensitive, and that you need to be tougher.
When others treat you as if your sensitivity is a flaw, you’ll end up feeling the same way. Rather than seeing your incredible empathetic, caring, sensitive self as a strength, you see it as a weakness. You see it as something that separates you from “normal” people.
To combat this, you work hard to make sure everything you do or say is perfect. Because if you’re perfect, you’re more worthy, right? (Wrong.)
You want to feel in control
The fear of failure, judgment, rejection, and embarrassment can make anyone feel anxious and overwhelmed. As a highly sensitive person, you experience this fear on a deeper level.
In an attempt to feel in control of these negative experiences, you may try to control everything and strive for perfection in all situations.
There’s nothing wrong with being a highly sensitive person. While it can be challenging for others to understand your level of emotions, it’s not a weakness or a flaw. With that said, as an HSP myself, I understand it can be difficult to see yourself that way.
But I also know how freeing it is to truly love and accept yourself as you are. It’s crucial to your self-esteem and relationships. And loving yourself as you are can help you live a more fulfilling life.
Tips for Dealing With Perfectionism as an HSP
Believe it or not, you can work through your perfectionism and change the thought patterns and behaviors that leave you overwhelmed and feeling badly about yourself. Consider the following tips for dealing with perfectionism. But, because I know you want to get it “right” the first time, it’s crucial that you are gentle with yourself. Be patient. Change takes time.
Be compassionate with yourself
As a perfectionist and HSP, you most likely have a harsh inner critic and need more self-compassion. You’re simply too hard on yourself. But what does that get you? In the end, it doesn’t motivate you to do “better.” In fact, self-criticism makes you feel incompetent and useless. In other words, being so hard on yourself only makes you feel worse and fuels the fire toward perfectionism.
I know you can’t just flip a switch and suddenly develop self-compassion. But you can take small steps every day toward it. When you notice yourself being too rigid and hard on yourself, do your best to take a breath, and accept your imperfect nature. Be kind to yourself, and over time, you’ll learn how to be more accepting and less driven to be perfect.
Give yourself downtime
Slow down. Highly sensitive people like yourself need more time to transition from activities. You need more downtime than non-HSPs. If you jam-pack your schedule and hold the expectation for yourself to get it all done perfectly, you’re setting yourself up for failure.
Practice saying “no” to things. Give yourself a chance to wind down and recoup after events and activities. It’s 100% okay for you to take time for yourself without feeling guilty. In fact, it’s recommended.
Get comfortable with inevitable criticism
It’s impossible to go through life without some form of criticism. With that said, there’s constructive criticism, and then there’s mean and harmful criticism. As an HSP, both may feel just as painful.
But if you work with a trusted friend, a loved one, or a qualified HSP therapist, you can practice receiving and identifying different types of feedback. After some practice, you may be able to successfully receive constructive criticism and make use of the feedback rather than feel hurt by it.
This is challenging work. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
Learn to see your sensitivity as a strength
Here’s where the work against perfectionism gets extremely challenging. As I mentioned before, living as a highly sensitive person has likely left you feeling different from those around you. You’ve probably been made to feel like there’s something wrong with you.
That leads to resentment - resentment of yourself and your sensitivities.
Learning how to embrace your empathy, strong emotions, and deep thinking can lead to feeling a stronger sense of self-worth, self-love, and self-acceptance. And when you can successfully do this, you can rely less on what others think about you and more on how you feel about yourself.
Don’t Do it Alone. Get Support From an HSP Therapist
Challenging your perfectionism tendencies is in no way a simple task. While I understand you may want to tackle it on your own, getting help and support from a qualified professional can make the process easier.
You can learn to love yourself as a highly sensitive person and break free from the bondage of perfectionism.
I know because I’ve been there. I’ve experienced it. And I can help you do the same.
You have a fellow HSP in your corner when you work with me. You won’t be judged. I won’t criticize you. The only thing you’ll be in your sessions with me is exactly who you are. And that is enough. Together, we’ll work through the daily challenges you face and learn tools and strategies to combat perfectionist thinking.
Don’t wait to get the help you need. Contact me if you are in the San Francisco Bay Area and need support from someone who understands. We can do the work together. And you can succeed.
Reflection Questions About Perfectionism
When do you recall your perfectionism beginning?
Where does your perfectionism show up for you? School? Work? Romantic relationships? Appearance?
Do you believe society fuels your perfectionism? How about social media?
Where do you see the biggest challenge in overcoming perfectionism?