If you’re a parent then you’ve had many times when you’ve lost it on your kid. It happens. Parenting is HARD work. Maybe you yelled and said some things you definitely didn’t mean to say but your anger took over. Parents often share their guilt, shame, and grief with me about how awful they feel after they’ve lost it on their child. You didn’t handle a situation the way you would’ve liked to. We’ve all been there. It really sucks to be in that place.
So what can you do about it?
First check in with yourself and inquire about what you need in this moment.
Do you need some listening time? Do you need to remind yourself that the perfect parent doesn’t exist?How can you show yourself some compassion and grace? I know you are doing the best that you can and things are still challenging.
When we lose it on our own children, it can be a clear sign to us that we need our own listening time with another trusted adult.
If you don’t know about Listening Partnerships from Hand in Hand Parenting check out my previous blog post here.
Once you’ve had some listening time to process and express your own feelings, you will feel more clear and calm to have a discussion with your child about losing it.
It is NEVER too late to take responsibility for the times when you’ve messed up as a parent. Children are very observant and they learn from you everyday about how to handle situations. You can always apologize to your child when you’ve messed up, in fact I encourage you to. You are modeling that it’s okay to make mistakes, take responsibility for the times you mess up, apologize, and acknowledge that you’ll try to do better next time. Tell them what you will try to do next time instead of losing it. Normalize making mistakes in your family. We all do it. It’s important for children to not only know that it’s ok to make mistakes, but also know that they are loved regardless of the mistakes that they make.
Check-in with how your child felt when you lost it. Give space for them to share their feelings with you. Children feel seen, heard, and understood when you take the time to listen to them without judgement and defensiveness. Ask your child what they need from you in those difficult moments. If they were also upset, then brainstorm ideas with them about how your family can handle the stressful moments together with more understanding and ease.
Please reach out if you are an overwhelmed parent looking for support. I am here to help.