Set Intentions to Practice Self-Compassion in the New Year
With the new year comes an onslaught of recommendations for “fresh starts,” becoming a “new you”, and achieving that long-awaited dream.
It’s a lot.
And if you are a highly sensitive person (HSP), it can feel intolerable. Some days can be challenging enough to get through without worrying about whether or not you should somehow become a “better” version of yourself.
That’s why, as an HSP, it’s wise to forego the traditional idea of “new year’s resolutions” and, instead, focus on setting intentions for the new year. And one of the most crucial intentions to set for yourself, because it can be such a struggle as an HSP, is to try practicing self-compassion.
Intentions vs. Resolutions
How intentions and resolutions differ comes down to how specific your goals are. Unlike resolutions, where you make a list of things to improve upon or accomplish, intentions are broader. Rather than setting particular parameters or listing things to check off of a “to-do” list, try thinking about what you want to experience or welcome this year when you set your intentions. It can be helpful to think about some small steps you can take to work towards your intentions.
Some examples of resolutions include exercising at least three days per week or drinking eight glasses of water per day. But when setting intentions, you could try things like “focusing on deepening connections in my life” or “making myself a priority.”
Or, as mentioned earlier, one of the most important things a highly sensitive person can work on is practicing self-compassion. While setting this intention is a goal, it’s not defined as a specific number or thing you can check off of a list. It’s something you can do for yourself gradually and gently throughout the whole year.
Why Practicing Self-Compassion is So Important for HSPs
If you are a highly sensitive person, you may struggle with perfectionism and have a strong inner critic. These two common characteristics of HSPs often lead to you being too hard on yourself by saying things like, “I’m too emotional,” or “I should be able to deal with this better.”
Before we go any further, I would like to say that as a fellow HSP myself and HSP therapist, I want you to know that you are wonderful as you are. Highly sensitive people like you and I have extremely valuable qualities. Understanding this requires practicing self-compassion, self-acceptance, and avoiding the comparison trap.
Self-compassion is a powerful tool for learning how to love and accept your differences and can be life-changing, especially when you are an HSP.
Practicing self-compassion can benefit you by:
Reducing Stress
Because you tend to fall into the habit of self-criticism, you likely experience more inner turmoil and stress than non-HSPs. When you criticize yourself and put yourself down, your stress level increases, and with it, your cortisol (or stress hormone) levels.
So when you set an intention to practice more self-compassion and make a genuine effort, you’ll reduce cortisol levels and increase oxytocin levels, which creates a feeling of calm. (And that’s a lot more enjoyable than turmoil, no?)
Building Up a “Close Friend”
One extraordinary quality about you as an HSP is that you are incredibly compassionate toward others, including your friends. But, ironically, the person you are likely least compassionate to is someone closer to you than anyone else.
Yourself.
If you think about it, when you lack self-compassion, you lack a close friend who is there for you whenever you need them.
But on the flip side, if you set intentions for the new year to practice more self-compassion, you’ll begin building up a supportive, caring, and accepting close friend.
You guessed it – yourself.
Positively Impacting Others’ Moods, and In Turn, Your Own
I’m sure you’re very aware of how others’ moods affect you as a highly sensitive person. If the mood in the room is negative and critical, you’ll feel that. And if you aren’t setting intentions to practice self-compassion, that’s a double dose of criticism.
This is why HSP’s need to practice having firm boundaries to protect their energy. But we can save that for another blog post.
Just as others’ moods affect you, your moods affect others around you. While it’s true non-HSPs don’t feel your emotions at the same level as you, many people can still sense how you’re feeling. And if you are listening to your inner critic, allowing it to take center stage without confronting it, and not holding yourself with compassion, you may seem upset, angry, or irritable.
And that leads to others feeling the same way, which, again, comes back to you.
Helping You Feel More Balanced
When you only practice compassion for others and not yourself, you become burnt out from giving so much to those around you and leaving nothing for yourself.
But it’s crucial you make yourself a priority and set an intention to practice more self-compassion. When you do, you’ll feel less burnt out and more balanced. You can’t pour from an empty cup. When you are gentle and take care of yourself, it positively impacts those around you.
How to Set an Intention to Practice Self-Compassion
Because setting intentions is not as tangible as setting resolutions, it’s crucial to understand how to keep your intentions at the forefront of your mind throughout the year. Here are four tips on helping you set intentions in the new year, whether self-compassion or any other intention.
1. Identify the intention
For this post, let’s focus on self-compassion. Close your eyes and take some deep breaths, inviting your body and mind to a calmer state. Remind yourself that you deserve compassion, just like anyone else. Tell yourself you can practice making yourself more of a priority in your life and that you can learn how to be kind, less critical, and more accepting and loving of yourself.
2. Set the intention
Each morning, state your intention to yourself before beginning your day. You can say, “May I be more compassionate toward myself.” Perhaps write it down and tape it to your mirror, put it on your desk, in your car, or wherever you feel it will remind you of your intention.
3. Check-in with yourself
When you find yourself heading down the path of self-criticism, ask yourself why you feel the way you do and if that feeling or thought aligns with your intention to be self-compassionate.
Keep in mind, you aren’t going to be perfect at practicing self-compassion. And that’s okay. I am calling it a practice for a reason. The important thing is to stay mindful of what is happening in the moment and to identify when you’re going in the opposite way of your intention.
4. Course correct
When you go off-course, and you will, make sure you give yourself grace. Remind yourself of your intention and forgive yourself. It may be difficult to extend compassion to yourself for not practicing self-compassion.
But be kind to yourself and recommit to your intention.
Learning how to practice self-compassion isn’t an easy task, and it isn’t going to happen overnight. Some excellent resources for learning how to be more compassionate toward yourself can be found on Dr. Kristin Neff’s website. Dr. Neff is an expert on self-compassion and has written several helpful books that can help you on your journey to loving and accepting yourself more.
Do You Need More Guidance on Learning to Accept Yourself as an HSP?
If you live in San Francisco, Oakland, or the surrounding areas, I would love to meet you and help you learn how to practice more self-compassion. As an HSP therapist in the San Francisco bay, I can also help you work through any other struggles you have in your daily life as a highly sensitive person.
You are not alone.
And I am here to help.
Reflection Questions
What are some small steps you can take to help you get started with showing yourself some more compassion this year?
When your inner critic comes knocking, what are some gentle reminders you can say to yourself to guide you towards a more gentle and compassionate voice?
How do you feel about the journey to practicing more self-compassion? How can you meet yourself exactly where you are and offer patience for your journey?
What are some obstacles you foresee in your journey? What inner knowledge can help you face these obstacles?
What other intentions would you like to set for yourself this year? What small steps can you take to act on these intentions?